They found me in a peanut barrel. I was on the road from Daggerdale on my way back to my home in Wedhburg. I was riding with a nice enough caravan-driver and his son for the two week journey. They were delivering some peanuts to sell in Wedhburg. He was a funny guy but didn’t talk too much. His son was a little dense and far too preoccupied with his longsword for my tastes. By longsword I don’t mean his penis. I mean his actual longsword. He spent all his waking time holding it and whispering sweet nothings. He slept with it. It was really weird.
One early morning when we were about ten days from Wedhburg, I was sleeping quietly in the back of the wagon when I heard a gurgling sound and a scream. I woke up and saw the nice driver man had a bolt sticking out of his throat and was loudly dying on the front of the wagon. Using my extensive knowledge of everything, I quickly deduced that it was a drow hand crossbow bolt. His son was nowhere to be seen and I heard the sounds of fighting outside. I got out of my blanket and stood straight, completely nude. Both inches of my halflinghood out for all the world to see.
I stopped for a second and asked myself “What would my wise uncle Gomir do?” so I immediately shoved myself into the closest peanut barrel. It was a tight fit, but I squirmed in there and underneath the peanuts enough that none of me was showing. It was rather uncomfortable having the peanut shells rub against my bare skin, but it was much less uncomfortable than crossbow wounds.
By the time I was packed in the barrel, the fighting had stopped. No doubt the young fighter had died a horrible and painful death to the drow. A moment or two after that, I heard some loud banging in the wagon that I could only assume was the drow searching the wagon for valuables. The barrel I was in started shaking violently about and there was a loud impact that was surely them throwing the barrel out of the back of the wagon. They righted the barrel and I heard the lid open. They talked a bit in their drow tongue and closed the lid.
Then there was nothing. I was pretty sure that the drow were gone, but I decided to err on the side of not getting killed and waited. I waited in the barrel eating peanuts for a long time.
About half the barrel of peanuts later, I heard some loud sniffing and felt something prodding the barrel. This went on for a few moments when the scratching started. I was relatively certain that the peanut smell along with the fragrant aroma of halfling, which is not unlike barbeque sauce, attracted some sort of canine to the barrel and it was now trying to get at its delicious contents.
“This is how I die, naked in a peanut barrel. Gomir would be proud.” I said out loud to no one in particular when I heard the distinct sounds of combat. Then the noise stopped and the peanut barrel was opened. I figured that someone had come along, killed the dogs, and were now looking for loot again. I heard some joking and laughter in the common tongue from many different races. Hoping they were adventurers, I got out of the barrel and introduced my naked self.
* * *
They were adventurers. There were quite a few of them, but only two are important for this story.
The first was a gray elf by the name of Elandir. He was tall and slight with gaunt skin and sandy blond hair. He was very smart but a tad aloof. He was on a journey to Wedhburg to inherit a bar from his late uncle.
The second was a particularly racist dwarf named Brotaur. Brotaur was a squat and muscular fellow with bright orange hair shaped in a mohawk. He was following Elandir to Wedhburg because he felt that he could good do a lot of good there by getting rid of excess greenskins. He also had some serious anger issues that most often manifested when people wanted to kill him.
They had also had another traveling companion, a man by the name of Ted. Ted had grown up in Shadowdale with Elandir and Brotaur and went off to the Seminary of Ilmater. He came back a cleric and immediately went about convincing Elandir and Brotaur to become adventurers with him. Ted had had an unfortunate incident involving a very angry owlbear a few days before, which had left without the vast majority of his vital organs.
They buried the poor adventurer and looted his body. Ted was apparently carrying with him a blood soaked wooden cup of immense and unknown power.